Sam & Max: Freelance Anime Heroes
by Super Koala
Summary: The dog & lagomorph duo set foot in the dark worlds of anime to deliver some Freelance Police style justice. Villains, run for your lives.
1. Chapter 101: Meet the Freelance Police

Disclaimer: I do not own Sam & Max and the other anime shows that will appear in the upcoming chapters. This fan-fiction will contain mild coarse language and violence.

Sam and Max Freelance Anime Heroes

Pilot Episode/Chapter 1

First Movement

Meet the Freelance Police

"RRRRRIIIINNNNGGG! RRRRIIIINNNNGGGG!" The telephone ringed with out loud intensely inside an office. The two residents, a six foot anthromophic dog in detective's clothing named Sam and a sociopath rabbit-like thing with a stuck smile showing incredibly sharp teeth that went by the name of Max, just stopped what they were doing and stared at it for a quick second. The two of them were private investigators of an organization called the Freelance Police from who b the called of an government would take on very dangerous assignments no one in their right mind would take.

"I GOT IT!" They both yelled.

The two of them dashed towards the phone and started a brawl to see who gets to answer the phone, like they always do. The Lagomorph was almost answered it but Sam grabbed him and stuffed him in the trashcan and then he answered it.

"Hello? Yes. Yes. Huh? No way! Really? Okay then." Sam said, then hanging up the phone

"Another automated voice to tell us to vote Yes on prop 4564245?" Max asked.

"It was The Commissioner with today's case! 3 billion copies of All of the World's Best Anime DVD's have mysteriously vanished and a millions of ticked-off anime fanatics cramped at the local Wally Mart are going to riot if they don't get their copy of it since they have been camping out there for 5 months before the publisher announced the release date, which is today." Sam answered.

"Oooh! Does this mean we get to stop a fan girl riot?"

"No bucket head! The Commissioner wants us to find those DVD's."

"Awww… I was in the mood for a good riot." Max groaned, "The last one I was in was that globe cup soccer game with an audience full of aggressive drunks and people overdosed on anabolic grizzly bear steroids."

"Cheer up little buddy, maybe we can throw the perpetrator into a fan girl pit and watch him be torn up, limb from limb when we're done."

"Goodie!"

An hour later, Sam and Max were in their car, a black and white 1960 Desoto Adventurer with a bumper splattered with road kill. Max was driving, which would explain why the car was in opposing traffic and going 120 inside a 40 mph area.

"Max, when was the last time your driver's license expired?" Sam asked while holding on to the dashboard and the door.

"The spineless teenagers working at the DMV liked me and how I threaten to hurt them with a hacksaw so much, they made my license permanent. 'Take it and please don't kill us!' they said." Max replied.

"You crack me up, little buddy… Say! There's Wally Mart!"

The Desoto entered the Wally Mart parking lot. Rows and rows of parking spaces were occupied by cars and camping tents.

"Odd, I thought this was some hippie community because all of the camping equipment and various stenches of poor personal hygiene that could knock out a burrow full of wombats instead of a parking lot." Max said.

"And you didn't notice all the anime themed swag Max?" Sam replied.

"Swag? Swag!? Sam, I'm pretty sure that's not a word." Max replied raising an eyebrow, questioning the word.

"Me neither, but the question is where the hell are we supposed to park?"

"I'm pretty sure at least one parking spot open for the substitute employee who has to fill in for when the cashier gets trampled to death."

It took them hours of finding an open parking space amongst fan girls and campers when they finally decided…

"Screw this! Let's go park on top of somebody else's car!" Max yelled, getting impatient.

"Well I can't think of reason not to." Sam replied.

"Excellent! I think I can see a construction ramp!"

Max turned the Desoto around and went straight for the ramp. After recreating a Dukes of Hazzard stunt, The Desoto landed on top of a blue sports car and made a hole somebody else's RV.

"Hope nobody was inside that car." Sam said.

"Nobody we know and/or have the potential to sue us at least." Max replied.

"Okay then, watch your step little buddy."

The Freelance Police got out of their car and headed inside Wally Mart.

The first thing Sam and Max noticed when they entered was that there was a huge line full of fan boys and fan girls, mostly fan girls, dressed up in costumes and getting their food sources from the candy at the other checkout lanes.

"Wow it looks these guys have been for a long time." Sam commented.

"Yeah and that guy's fake beard really convinces it." Max replied, pointing to an elderly looking man.

"Hey! I've been working here since the 1820's you whippersnapper!" The old geezer replied, "By the way Welcome to Wally Mart!"

"Well… judging by the fact that most anime fan boys don't say 'whippersnapper', I'm going to assume that you work here."

"Gee, you think?"

"Any who, we would like to speak to the manager please." Sam replied, ignoring the old man's rudeness.

"He's behind the customer service desk."

"Thank you."

"Ah, blow it out your ear."

"A senior citizen with rude yet snappy comeback lines, two things that shouldn't go together." Sam said as he and Max left the cranky old man and headed towards the customers service desk.

"Like NASCAR and land mines." Max said, "Even though it would make a lot more fun!"

"If I could only find that Mental Rehab Admittance Sheet for you Max." Sam joked.

"Yep, not even Kevin Federline's Rap Album will keep me sane."

"Speaking of sending crap back where it came from, there's the customer service desk."

Sam cleared his throat, but the customer service representative cut him off.

"Welcome to Wally-Mart! How can we be of assistance?" The representative said, in a very creepy monotone.

"Uh… Hi, we're the Freelance Police! We came here to talk the…" Sam said, before getting cut off.

"Please present your item so that we may search for defectiveness."

"Uh… You don't understand; we're here to…"

"No cash back without a receipt."

"Sam, what the hell is preventing us from expressing gratuitous American police brutality?" Max asked.

"Well for one, we're only allowed to express brutality once a month and we expended this month's brutality on that guy operating the hot dog cart." Sam replied

"Yep, Human blood makes excellent mustard."

"And second; I have small yet very primary suspicion that he's interrupting my sentences so that way we don't get to speak with…"

"All Sales are… All Sales are… All Sales are…"

"Oh wait a minute; it's just an automated robot that most companies use to get out of paying their employees."

"Oh Boy!" Max replied, "Robot! Make me a semi automatic 56 caliber hand-gun with a 10 inch diameter barrel with the picture of Paris Hilton with a red and green Zebra bikini wrestling a horsefly the size of ping pong table in a pool of Nacho Cheese engraved on the handle made from cast-iron titanium with 10 34-karat gold bullets that weigh 5 pound each."

"Maybe some other time Max. For now let's just get past him and go straight into the manager's office."

"Fine! But a gun like that would really be the life of the party, especially when the paramedics come!"

"Max, remind me to forget your birthday."

"Okay." Max replied, extremely nonchalant.

The two detectives just went past the service desk and went inside the manager's office.

"Sam, Where the hell is the manager?" Max asked.

"Don't know little buddy. Maybe the accountant's union caught on to the fact the Wally Mart administrators seem to close down shops when the employees are planning heavy metal concerts and are conspiring to beat him to , but Due to the great shaking of that desk…"

Max jumped on it and looked below himself.

"Hmm… No manager here," Max observed, "Just a quivering old fart in a soiled business suit."

"Who happens to be sweating harder than an Olympic track runner wearing a black heavy-duty winter jacket during a summer heat wave." Sam added.

"Please don't hurt me!" The man bawled.

"If we were going to severely hurt you, we would have some Sulfuric Acid leftover from dissolving the door hinges." Max replied.

"We're Sam & Max: Freelance Police!" Sam said.

"The Police? Oh Thank God! I thought you were one of those fan boys who were going to maim me. I'm the manager of The New York Branch of Wally…"

"Hey! I found some Sulfuric Acid!" Max interrupted, causing the manager to scream, "Now we're going to hurt you."

"Max! We need to question him first though, then we'll pour liters of highly corrosive oil of vitriol on him."

"Well then, why are we standing here, performing unnecessary dialog? Let's get asking!"

"Sure thing little buddy!"

Sam then turned to the manager.

"Okay, then what kind of dastardly force of demonic evil would steal Anime DVD's the mainstream populace of ignorant Heroes viewers hasn't heard of or care about?" Sam asked.

"I…I…I… don't know! It's just that somebody somehow got into the back room and then." The Manager replied who then noticed Max standing on one leg like a cupid on a park fountain and about to pour a vial of acid on him.

"What? I'm practicing for my audition for the guy who pours sulfuric acid on some poor defenseless momma's boy of a crybaby's head!"

"Please don't do that."

"Which one: yours truly contemplates to pour the acid on your head or me actually doing it?"

"Neither please."

"Sorry, you can only pick one."

"Quit screwing around moron," Sam said, getting things back to business, "Mr. Manager, do you have any idea on a visual description on the perpetrator?"

"Uh… I have no idea. I just boss people around."

"Well then little buddy, I guess we'll just go to the back room and make this locus safe for low-priced brainwashed shoppers… Just where is the back room?" Sam said.

"Sam, please don't say locus again." Max replied.

"Just on the opposite side of the building, But you'll have to get past the fan boy line and that's impossible. But they are… Let me show you." Manager answered

The manager then grabbed a stuffed plush toy and then threw it at the line. Within picoseconds the fanatics were ripping it to shreds.

"Holy hyperactive hungry hyenas at the McHarold's Hamburger Hut! They're chewing that doll like it was the only food source this side of a drought infested lake!" Sam yelled.

"Let's throw Bruce Willis in there Sam!" Max suggested.

"Only if he gets out of that coma you gave him."

"So what else are supposed throw in that will keep the line distracted for us to cut through?"

"Why are you guys staring at me like that?" The manager asked.

There you have my first piece of work on this site. Thoughts? Suggestions? Typos? Please review but no flames.


	2. Chapter 102: Meet the Dark Organization

Sam & Max

Freelance Anime Heroes

Chapter 1

Second Movement

Meet the Dark Organization

"Well, he sure was an excellent distraction for that line." Sam said, looking back at what he and Max did a few minutes ago while watching starving fan-girls cannibalizing on a human-like object.

"How come the manager went screaming out of the wall when I asked him where we could find some Fonzie pillows?" Max asked.

"Your voice tone was implying you were going to scoop his gallbladder out with a spork and then feed it to a shark. Now come on little buddy."

"Can I watch the carnage a little bit a longer?"

"Okay Max, 3 more seconds."

"1 one-hundred, 2 one-hundred… alright, I'm done."

Sam and Max headed into the employee's only back room to investigate the scene of the crime. As Sam opened the door, the dog and lagomorph could observe people carry crates containing more of All of the Worlds Best Anime DVD's.

"Wow, I guess some okatus don't have the patience for a DVD's whose content they already posted on You-Tube to come out." Max whispered.

"Looks like those guys are there just to finish the job. Be on your toes little pal."

Max placed his feet on his ass.

"Done!"

"Get over here idiot." Sam said, hiding behind the door and grabbing Max by the ears.

The canine shamus peered up to see a silver haired ninja, donning glasses and the headband with a musical note as an insignia. Sam used his little buddy's ears as some form of a listening device to eavesdrop on the suspect's conversation.

"This is Kabuto. We're sending in the final load. Everything's going to plan."

"Look at his eyes, Sam. They look like a stained glass window inside a fumigated Portuguese coffee house." Max observed.

"He must be Malaysian." Sam replied, "Now come on Max, Let's show these goons the meaning of the word 'massacre'."

"Don't say massacre Sam, kids are going to be reading this." 

"My bad, let's just show them the meaning of manslaughter instead."

"Okay then!" Max yelled.

The little bunny demon then loaded up his luger and then jumped onto a crate, getting everyone's attention.

"Attention shoppers!" Max yelled, "Warehouse shooting: aisle everywhere!"

Max began opening fire at a couple of henchmen. As soon as Max's victims fell dead on the floor, Sam gave his little pal some covering fire with his own revolver and it was a big one too. Kabuto quickly got out of the way.

"Damn it!" Kabuto thought. "How could they have known…?"

Kabuto then took another look at the Freelance Police.

"Wait a second… Good, it's not them."

The Sound Ninja then sighed and quickly calmed down, quickly regaining his posture and attitude.

"Well, I thought I wouldn't get any resistance in this world." Kabuto said to the Freelance Police calmly.

"And I thought I was going to insert a power drill into a dead chupacabra and use its bleeding ribs to find the golden capillaries of NFL 1995 San Diego Chargers quarterback Stan Humphries." Max replied.

"Gee, isn't that a little too much superfluous information?" Sam asked.

"So?"

"Nice plan, little buddy."

Max continued to unleash ammunition on Kabuto. The ninjas of Kabuto's world were fast and agile, but he couldn't match up to speed of the lagomorph's bullets. Kabuto was jumping from crate to crate in a blur to dodge them.

"Grrr… Hold still, you son of a bitch!" Max yelled angrily.

Sam then aimed at a pair of crane controls. As soon as the shamus fired, Kabuto did not see the turning construction vehicle hit him in the head. The ninja was sent flying into a box which triggered an explosion.

"Nice one! You sent him into box full of active land mines!" Max said.

"Well the college job advisor was definitely on to something about me becoming a professional French fry shooter little buddy." Sam replied.

Kabuto quickly got up and tried to heal himself, but the little lagomorph interrupted the process halfway by biting into the ninja's left shoulder like a bloodthirsty German Shepard after being injected with the hormones of a testosterone crazed komodo dragon during mating season. The sound ninja grabbed Max and threw the small bunny into Sam and afterwards, he made a mad dash for it, heading into city.

"He's getting away!" Max yelled

"Gee, you think Bucket head?" Sam replied.

Max grappled the Desoto keys and clicked a button on said keys. Then a gaping hole appeared in a wall and The Freelance Police's Desoto drove though being driven by a lawn flamingo with a Virtual Boy bolted to its face.

"Is that a shocked prime time TV star after failing to receive 3 Emmy awards?" Sam asked.

"Nope, that's my Car Summoner." Max replied.

"And by 'your' you mean you gave some entrepreneur inventor the wrong directions to the patent office and pilfered his reward after all the hard time and work he or she did."

"And I shot his lawyer! Any who, the Car Summoner brings your car to you no matter where you are and caused $200 billion in property damage and insurance fraud. By the way, did I mention I replaced the car radio with a dishwasher?"

"Now is not the time for profuse discussions. We got ourselves a fugitive on run."

"Hey Sam, is spork a real word?" Max yelled.

Sam hopped in and put Max's Car Summoner in the backseat. Max hopped in the front as the canine shamus put the keys in ignition.

"Time to rock & roll and to beat some Malaysian guy to death!" Max yelled as the Desoto made another hole in the wall and drove off.

It took them another hour searching the city for their man. Max quickly pointed Kabuto out, jumping from skyscraper to skyscraper. Sam grabbed a megaphone while Max grabbed a flashlight out of glove department and pointed at the ninja henchman.

"Attention Kabuto! Give up all hope of escape because the Freelance Police are taking you to the Iron Bars Hotel!" Sam yelled though the Megaphone.

"Please. I don't think you…" 

"Don't make us bring our car up there!" Max interrupted.

The sound shinobi chuckled at the thought, but within 3 minutes, Kabuto soon found out they weren't kidding. Kabuto was seriously shocked to see the car perorated though the roof access staircase.

"What the !$? You guys aren't human!" Kabuto yelled as several laws of common sense and of course, anime clichés were now just violated.

"Gee, he just noticed." Sam said, like he & Max did this stuff everyday.

"Tee hee." Max giggled.

The chase was on over the rooftops of the Big Apple. After a half hour later, Max jumped into the backseat and opened the trunk. The rear of the Desoto was now a turret loaded with 3 chain guns, two grenade launchers and a Bazooka all stacked in a nice pyramid fashion. Sam turned the Desoto around and put it in reverse. Max opened fired but unfortunately Kabuto just jumped down.

"Grr… That jerk ruined a perfectly chase scene!" Max yelled in frustration.

"Well, how many people are going to be ticked off by that?" Sam replied.

"As twice as many people you think." Max answered.

The Freelance Police quickly jumped down to pursue the chase. They quickly caught up to Kabuto as Max shot the ninja's left hand to stop him climbing onto a ladder.

"Alright then, you're coming with us!"

Kabuto turned around and growled.

"It seems I've underestimated you two." Kabuto sneered.

"As seen by how we've humiliated you, shot your henchmen, smacked you in the head with a crane, and chased you all over the rooftops of New York City." Sam replied, calm always.

"And we stole your puppy, made out with your cat, told your girlfriend you were gay, informed Fox News you brought a Democrat mascot costume to your high school prom…" Max added.

"Okay hamster head, shut your trap and let's arrest this guy." Sam said, reaching for his gun.

But then everything went black when a dome of darkness began to appear.

"What happening Sam?" Max questioned.

"Dark clouds are used for obvious symbolisms for nightmarish events will happen shortly. And since today is Thursday and the Kansas City Chiefs lost to the New Orleans Saints 3 Sundays and a Tuesday ago, the dark film awning this perfectly fine summer sky can only mean…"

"Yes…?" Max said, getting anxious.

"…That Lindsay Lohan must be in town today!" Sam answered.

"Oh boy! I hope she gets put into an insane asylum for massive delusions and Cannibalism this time!" Max replied incredibly excited.

The sound ninja just fell down anime style. As soon he got up, he was now very angry.

"No, you ignorant beasts, It was caused by me!" Kabuto yelled.

"So this Malaysian guy is really Lindsay Lohan in disguise?" Max asked.

"NO!! AND I AM NOT MALAYSIAN!!" The evil ninja screamed, now twice as pissed.

"Yes you are." Max replied.

"Grr… That's it, no more games! Both of you will die NOW!"

Kabuto began to make hand signs combined with some occult chanting.

"Dark Organization Summoning Jutsu: Heartless Guard Armor!" Kabuto yelled.

In a gathering of purple smoke clouds, giant pieces of armor made from a violet-colored alloy appeared. On the torso was what appeared to be an emblem of some sort looking like a black heart.

"Oh please," Max replied, not impressed with the sinister shinobi's trick, "I've seen better magic when Bob Saget hosted America's Funniest Home Videos."

"Well, looks like an old fashioned Godzilla battle minus the mediocre special effects is going to be taking place shortly, hope you're in the mood for a little car vs. 150 ft walking armor little buddy." Sam commented

"I'm always ready for a war Sam!" Max yelled.

The freelance police quickly back up the building and hopped back into the Desoto. Max got in the driver's seat put their vehicle into drive, accelerated off the building and just in time as the Giant Heartless soon smashed the apartment complex with a fast swipe of its right claw.

"So any plans on how to defeat that giant renaissance fair reject Sam?" Max asked.

"Hmm… I'm not sure yet Max, just keep driving so that we can keep your experiment involving you, a gallon of donkey manure, that Honduran immigrant and the car muffler as the only thing as listed 'unnatural shenanigans' on our insurance this month." Sam answered.

"Bah! I got your answer right here!" Max replied as he drew out his Luger and begun to open fire on the titanic free-floating pieces of armor.

"Hmm… That's it little pal!" Sam exclaimed. "This bugger is nothing more than a lousy first world RPG Boss, All we need to do is keep nailing at it with overly excessive amounts of gun and explosive grenade fire."

"… And why didn't you think of that first!?!" Max yelled.

"Sorry Max, I think some asbestos from the hole that manager made might have gotten into my brain, preventing my primary instincts of shoot first and ask questions 2 years later from happening." 

"The last thing I remember snorting was half burnt wood chipper shavings."

A stomp from the Guard Armor caused their conversation to end quickly and forced the little lagomorph to U-turn quickly. Sam took out his revolver and began shooting at torso piece while Max resumed shooting at one of the hands.

"I don't think this will be enough, little buddy." Sam commented.

"That sign says there's a power plant up ahead!" Max yelled excitedly.

"And you're planning to trick our adversary into punching it in hopes that it'll electrocute itself?" Sam questioned

"No, I was just pointing it out but I hope it brings more destruction!"

"Oh boy," The canine gulped, feeling a little uneasy.

The lagomorph shifted the Desoto into 3rd gear causing it to reach 250 mph in 90 seconds, causing giant pieces of heartless to actually run, squashing anything that found itself on the boot's shadow. About 90 feet from the power plant, Max took a quick stare at the rear view to see if the guard armor was still following the Freelance Police. It was, and the enormous metal equipment was taking aim to send a giant punch into Sam and Max's car.

"Wait for it…" Sam yelled, keeping calm and observing their opponent.

The Guard Armor began its attack as its giant metallic fist began rocketing towards the Desoto.

"Now!"

Max slammed the brake and quickly hopped into the backseat ready to open fire with the turret, which was still open all this. The fist was now overshot and landed straight into the power plant whatever it was using for a nervous system chock-full 2000 volts along with 3000 amps of alternating current electricity to fire its brain. And if that wasn't enough Max was now unleashing the back turret's full power, which should have gotten its first victim on Kabuto. After a tremendous explosion, all that was left was violet dust and the Guard Armor's decapitated head, along with a battle scarred and destruction-laced neighborhood due to Max's poor accuracy with the bazooka.

"Well, looks like another giant monster obliterated with gratuitous firepower and no common sense again, eh little buddy?" Sam commented on their recent victory.

Max jumped out of the Desoto and picked up the lifeless helmet and threw it between his paws.

"...And with completely ignoring the theories of demonic anatomy. It's too bad the Malaysian jerk got away." The lagomorph replied.

"True Max, well whoever Kabuto was working for, those guys are definitely up to some sort of dastardly plan that would make the German invasion of Poland look like a Rick Astley music video."

"You mean gay or really bad?"

"…So bad you'll pay a Canadian in an orangutan suit to insert a jackhammer into your eardrums."

"Wow! Thirty bucks says Cleveland, OH gets destroyed first!" Max yelled.

"You crack me up little pal!"

As you can see, I'll be doing the chapters in 2-4 movements and the chapter would be in one world (I.E: In this chapter: Sam & Max's world). Sorry if it is confusing or anything but that's the way it is. There will be one more movement left before chapter 2. Please Read & Review and yes I know "The Dark Organization" is cheesy and cliché and that's what I was aiming at.


	3. Chapter 103: Moving Out

Sam & Max

Freelance Anime Heroes

Chapter 1

Third Movement

Moving out

The Freelance Police returned to their office after another successful case. After throwing the helmet of the now dead Guard Armor into their Closet of Mementos, Sam returned to his desk to ruminate the Dark Organization's motives.

"Max, does your skull have any idea what a Malaysian guy would want with a bunch of senseless DVD's?" Sam asked

"I predict he would be using them as to lure Elvis impersonators into the state of Minnesota and use their blubber to dam the Chippewa River, but I don't wear trousers nor use the word 'inkling'." Max replied

"Okay, now try to think of motive that isn't a by-product of a delusional homeless person's rantings… great armpit hairs of Isaac Newton!" Sam yelled as he and Max saw their north wall now being completely covered in Maize corn right before their eyes.

"I knew that free trail of Homes and Gardens magazine was evil! Evil I told you! Why didn't you listen to me Sam?!"

Sam removed an ear and inspected it.

"Very unusual…" Sam commented.

"Is it sculpted in the shape of Kiera Knightley?" Max asked

"Nun-uh but the kernels happening to be forming a word."

"Veranda? Tetramerous? Marbleizes?" Max asked, excited.

"Go," Sam answered while Max groaned disappointedly, "and I guess these other ears of_Zea Mays_ must form a message to a destination of some sorts."

"I call dibs on any sour cream & onion potato chips we find."

"Keep your trap shut Max, I'm trying to decode the message."

It the shamus a half hour and 3 minutes deciphering the message while Max was keeping the resident cockroaches from the corn with a corkscrew. Sam placed the corn on his desk and sorted them into a highly logical guess

"Go to Exit 41 and head into the Cosmic Interstate then give chase to stop the Dark Organization. Sweet road maps smothered in Peanut Butter! From the looks of things I say some sort of other cosmic entity is giving us a tip."

"Do we have give him the reward?" Max asked.

"Depends if he likes his sheep lit on fire with gasoline, now come on Max, lets head to the Cosmic Interstate."

"Wait, There's a giant interstate in space?" Max asked? "How come we never saw it?"

"Well for one, you were too distracted trying to aim that home made death laser at Alpha Centauri last time we were up in space."

"Yeah! Take that Space Race Victory!" Max yelled with pride.

"And secondly, it just got constructed a month ago."

"Oh."

"Come on little buddy. We've got us a Freelance Police, crime stopping, dimensional tour ahead of us."

"Say that reminds me, will this take long? I don't think the felons we've locked up will get their daily sulfur regiment."

The sound of punching entered the Freelance Police's eardrums. The two of them walked towards a hole in the wall caused by a giant robot a few months ago in which neither of them were in mood of the fixing it, along with the additional collateral damage that decorated the walls of the office. Max jumped on the couch and peeked inside the hole, hoping to see if one of his favorite idols was in town today. He was, an 40 something year old man with hard muscles and a chiseled jaw, Flint Paper, Sam & Max's next door neighbor and private investigator who was currently sending a iron chair into a felon's skull.

"Hey, Sam & Max, what going on?" Flint asked

"We're going be gone for a while, you mind watching our office for us?" Sam asked.

"Sure thing little buddies!" Flint replied, "Just give me the keys and I'll give them ruffians some good ol' one-two punishment."

"Just a heads up, Mayonnaise will give Harry 'No Knees' a horrible mutant rash! The Calamine lotion for that is in the pickle jar."

After Sam handed Mr. Paper the keys to the Freelance Police's office, He and his little buddy went downstairs to their car.

"Flint sure is the most reliable man we got, eh little buddy." Sam asked.

"Yeah, his gore he leaves and hospital bills it causes don't lie" Max answered.

The two of them got into the Desoto again.

"Now then, do we have the essentials?"

"Guns, Ammunition, Mortar, Napalm, Molotov Cocktails, Suicide Bomber Roaches, More Guns, Axe, Chainsaw, Chainsaw crossbow, Chainsaw launcher, Dynamite, Duct Tape, WD-40, Rat Poison, Guns, Bazookas, ICBM's, Tanks, Air-Bombers, and let's not forget the good old boiling hot oil covered cannonballs, throwing stars, drunk stars to throw, Guns, ancient Roman Spears, Red Ridder BB Gun modified to shoot broken glass, and I don't what this is but it came with my new shotgun blast amplifier."

"Wait a minute, let me see that Max."

Sam snatched the envelope Max was holding and opened it.

"Great Wallabies making Chex Mix with a rusty garlic press and a side dish of mashed potatoes, this is from The Commissioner, Max! It's saying he got us an office at Domino City where we'll be staying for the duration of this case."

"Wow, we get to enjoy the stay and then make a huge-ass mess and then the original owners will have to clean it up." Max replied

"First thing we're getting at the next gas station is a box of black dart frogs to paralyze that voice box of yours Max."

"Oh Boy!"

Sam sent the keys of the Desoto into ignition, and the Freelance Police's Multi-World tour was off.

Meanwhile far away from Sam & Max's world, a pack of villains known as the Dark Organization were conspiring. Kabuto approached a meeting still clutching the part where Max rabidly bit him.

"So you are back Kabuto. What took you so long?" The Leader of the Dark Organization, Orochimaru

"I'm sorry Orochimaru, pant the last world, I got a little bit held up… pant"

"Who?"

"…No one, just a couple of locals in one world. 'They' didn't show up."

"Good, all of the worlds shall be conquered into our grip of the Dark Organization."

"Well here we are on the Cosmic Interstate, a multi-dimensional Hub from which anyone can see many different realms, galaxies, and planets all of them teeming with different and unique forms of life from trance inducing beauty to the damn ugly forms that will cause your eyeballs to burst into and cremate into beige dust…." Sam said, looking at the anime galaxy in the Desoto's driver seat as the Freelance Police were driving the empty interstate that prolongated outer space…"

"That sounds like that one time at the Halloween cockfight sting." Max interrupted.

"Yeah little buddy, you dressing up in drag were one of the causes of the brain damage in those drug lords… and me if kept my eyes open."

"...Besides from the Chainsaw and rusty nails, any who were you saying something Sam?"

"No Max, I was just making some crappy speech where I was just getting to point we'll be soon be maiming and marring a whole new galaxy full of villains and brining hope to people who are too scared to take two steps outside of their beds."

"Well, then let's hurry, my trigger finger going just itching shoot something and I think my luger starting to weather."

"Just calm down Max, those criminals are going nowhere but to their graves."

"Alright Sam, But I swear if there is no gunfire and bloodshed by the end of the night, neither friend or family will be safe."

"Your impatience and lust for blood and gore always brightens up any long road trip little buddy."

Max just still threatened but afterward grabbed a megaphone at yelled out to the stars: "Attention residents of this Galaxy: your day of judgment is at hand! We have come to purge this universe of evil and tyranny (and/or tacky lawn gnomes)! If you have ever committed even the smallest of felonies and went unpunished, we'll find you, hunt you down and shoot you mercilessly, take your corpse to an open prairie and then shoot you mercilessly even more and feed the your Swiss cheese remains to a wood-chipper and light the ejected gore on fire! If your soul was suppressed by that felon and wondering who did your community a favor by destroying him/her, you can thank Sam & Max: The Freelance Police!"

"Also if you have cookies please share them and I'm not responsible for property damage and or injury even if I did that on purpose." Max then added.

"Uh, Max, the megaphone was turned off." Sam said.

"It was?" Max said a little bit surprised, "Ah well, you know how I like to surprise people."

"Always unpredictable as ever little buddy." Sam replied, as the Desoto took the exit off the cosmic interstate and to Domino City.

So there you have it, the last movement of the first chapter of the first Sam & Max multi-anime-crossover fan-fiction done. And I can tell you that our two boys will have their work cut out for them. Sorry for this being too short but I (hope I) can guarantee you that chapter 2 will be better in action department.

Next time on Sam & Max: Freelance Anime Heroes: The Freelance Police have arrived at their office at Domino Office, but it seems a doomsday cult have set shop inside and have taken hostage. It's up to Sam & Max to kick them out with their rouge justice but the question is this: will the Freelance Police's ignorance to the Duel Monsters card game make things worse and for whom: Max or Kaiba?


End file.
